What made you stop being an addict?

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

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I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

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This was February 2019.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.

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But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

And I can also talk to them now.

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

What kind of pleasure do gay men get from being bottom? The idea is very appealing to me but in practice it's quite painful.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

Read that again ☝️

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

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Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

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RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

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So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

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Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

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And I DID IT EVERYDAY

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

Now how do you quit your addiction?

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

I did it in my administrator's office.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

So I'm still hanging on this lie.

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

Just keep trying

I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔